Burning Bridges

Paper Trail

We both know that I’ll always see you
And feel your heat in every dream.
It doesn’t matter, now that we’ve twisted
Ourselves into this hot, writhing mess
Of limbs and shattered bones,
Of questions and ill-regarded hope.

Some days, I buried myself in your scent
Some days, you wasted away in mine.

I used to watch you through that open window
And wonder how it would feel
To be the one, for once, cradled in your arms.
I used to write your name a hundred times over
And over time I grew to recognize
The masks you hid behind.

You used to watch me from underneath her sheets
And tell yourself that, in time,
These dreams would be dreams we would share.
You used to trace the paint on my fingernails
And wonder how it would feel to have them
Digging into your very skin.

I once watched you stretch yourself out into a disguise
That fit you so well, even I almost bought it
Just for a second. (Maybe even more.)
But this was no Trick-or-Treat,
And it wasn’t candy that you were after.
(Because we both know you got enough of that from me)

Silly girl, he’s not here to stay.
Silly boy, she’s not the one anyway.

You told me I was different once,
And I agreed, because I was definitely not her.
But this was just another game
One that neither of us could possibly win.
No prizes to be won here,
Just time left to be wasted.

But we both know that you’ll always see me
And feel that knot at the pit of your stomach
When my smiles have been shared with others
And the mess we’ve created for ourselves
Dictates the emptiness we both feel
Even in the company of new and old.

And you wonder, in the dead of the night
Why and how you can still feel me
Nestled against your chest,
My skin on yours,
Fingertips pressing into the folds of your flesh,
Sharing the very air you breathe.

But I remind you of that hell you had to live through
And you remind me of the paradise I had to leave.

Yes, I’ll always see you
For who you are and what we were.
Just as you’d finally seen me
For all the perfection we could have been.
But now, all that is over
And all we can share is a dream.